Doing the mail can be monotonous at times and downright dangerous at others.  There's a reason why the phrase "going postal" exists.  People take their mail very seriously and the idea of human error is not one that is entertained by the general public.

Of course, the people who handle the mail take it seriously as well.  We have to.  We're entrusted with envelopes containing people's livelihood, their secrets, their devastations and their jubilations.  We have boxes holding their treasures, their gifts and the rewards they eagerly anticipate receiving.  It's sort of like being Santa Claus and the Grim Reaper all rolled up into one.  Some people are thrilled to see you and others have the "kill the messenger" attitude.

One thing that seems to really freak people out is when, out of the thousands and thousands of pieces of mail we handle, one piece slips into the mailbox of the wrong person.  Hey, it happens.  Sometimes, envelopes or cards will stick together and when you're filing it into the casement, you can't tell that it's two instead of one.  Sometimes, if the casement compartment is really full and the one next to it is as well, a piece of mail will accidentally be slipped into the other one.  Sometimes, a similar name will throw us off.  In the time I have been delivering the mail (since November 15 of 2006), I have had 12 "misthrows."  For some reason, and I have never been able to figure out the logic behind this, people believe that if they get someone else's mail by mistake, the other person has theirs.  It just doesn't work like that.

When I am casing the mail, meaning I take the large trays of unsorted mail and put them into a casement compartment for each address, I can't help but come up with associated phrases and words for the different names on my route.  It entertains me, what can I say?

There's:

Ms Bennett (don't break it!)

Seibert (See Ernie!)

Mr Bellerby (Mr Bellerby's Christmas Tree came by special delivery - a kids' book)

Mason (Dixon Line)

Lee Anders (Leander the Gander - although Mr Anders looks nothing like a gander - it's another kids' book)

Murphy('s law - they have a PO box now so I don't get to play with this one in my head any more)

Dapper (Dan - although his name is actually David)

McMicken  (McmcmcmcMICKEN - I always think of chickens)

Woods (I can't see the woods for the trees)

Risher (Risher, Risher, Amy Fisher.  I have no idea where that came from, but it flies into my head unbidden)

Nelson (Although I know the first names of the people who live there, I still can't help but imagine Ozzie, Harriett, David, Ricky and Willie all holed up in there waiting for their mail)

Fandel (Nelson Fandela - aided by the fact that Nelson is the box I deliver for just prior to Fandel)

Abbott (Hey Abbott!! and Mr Abbott is about the least Bud Abbott looking guy on earth)

Ruby Brown (Don't take your love to town)

Sabolochik (some bald chick, although last time I checked, Vicky was nowhere near bald)

Dean (It's cool enough that the guy's name really is "James," which makes me feel a little swoony just thinking about it, but when I first started, I couldn't figure out why I kept mixing up the Deans' mail with the Wells' mail and it was driving me crazy.  Their casement and their mail boxes are nowhere near each other.  Why was I mixing it up?  As far as I know, I caught each mistake before it actually got to them - I double-check the mail item by item when I pull it down from the casement and again before I put it in the box.  Still, it was driving me crazy why I was confusing these two people until I remembered, while I was about half asleep, drifting at night, that when I was about 5-6 years old, my mother's best friend, who was also the sister of my mom's brother's wife - did you trace that one OK? - was named Dean Wells.  Interestingly enough, Dean's husband, Adrian, was, get ready...our mail carrier)

Fitch ("Fitch me a Diet Coke, boy, and be fast about it!")

Fallis (You don't want to know)

Baldwin (Bald One - I don't know why there is a bald theme)

Knight (and day)

Wells (See Dean)

These aren't all of my people, but they are the ones who ping a response in my head. 

Besides James Dean, we have Roy Rodgers (our pinochle buddy) and Eric has Steven Tyler on his route.  That's three "celebs" in our midst.  (If you don't know who these people are, go to www.wikipedia.com and look'em up!)

In the course of delivering the mail, we have been cussed, bitten (dogs), stung (wasps like to set up house in mailboxes), frozen (try climbing those berms that are about 5-6' tall when the road is covered with ice!) and did I mention cussed?

One warm day, I found an entire row of mailboxes, about 15 or so, in which someone had laid a wide stream of margarine in each and every one.    Of course, I couldn't put the mail in there until it was cleaned out and all I had in the mail jeep was a greasy black rag Eric had used for auto maintenance.    It took a while to mop that out. 

Eric gets all kinds of presents from his people, especially at Christmas, because he's cuuuuute.  I'm just the mail lady, although Ms Bennett (don't break it!) leaves wonderful homemade breads and little cakes for me.  I wub her. 

Joyce Johnston recently gave me a very cute umbrella (thank you, Joyce!).

One of the worst things about delivering the mail is the junk mail.  I look at those Clippers every two weeks knowing the people don't want them in their mailbox any more than I want to put them there.  They're a wicked pain in the butt.  I wish there was a box my people could check on a form that lets me weed all of the junk mail out of their box.  The good news is that since I am on my own route, I can round-file all of my own junk mail before it ever gets to my house.  Since I also dump all of the catalogs I get to my own address, I can cut back on my impulse spending later on.

It's also interesting how many people believe that whole "rain, sleet and snow" thing is law or written into our contracts.  We have an obligation to deliver the mail where it is humanly possible, but risking life or limb to do so isn't required.  Last Winter, I wasn't able to get to Logan's Grade for a few days.  I literally was stuck in the snow, overheating and skidding, every single time I tried.  Rain, sleet and snow is actually just a poem someone wrote (a hopeful mail customer).  “Neither rain nor sleet nor dark of night will keep a postman from his appointed rounds.”

I'm thinking the person who wrote that was expecting a refund check from their mortgage impound account.

There is a huge amount of discretion involved with the job.  We know who pays child support, who gets child support, who gets welfare, who gets unemployment checks, who's on disability, who gets mail from jail, who's in deep with the IRS, who gets sexually explicit material, who banks where, whose mortgage is with what company, even when your dog's rabies vaccine is due and when it's time for your teeth to be cleaned. 

In addition to the "if I've got their mail, they must have mine" myth, let me dispel a couple of others and throw some facts your way:

- It's really rare that a carrier will bury, set on fire or trash big bundles of mail they have no interest in delivering.  That's why it makes the news when it does happen; because it's a rarity.

- I personally haven't done that, but some days, I do fantasize about it.

- We don't keep mail from you and hide it in the post office.  If you don't get it, we truly do not have it.  Even if we don't like you.  You will always get your mail...unless it's bulk mail (more later).

- That should be our motto:  "Even if we don't like you, you'll always get your mail."  I like that.

- Believe it or not, the postal rate increases are far more of a pain in our butts than it is in yours, but you have to admit, even at 42 cents a shot, it's still a bargain to get a company to shag your letter all the way across the country in just 3-4 days for that little amount.

- Most of the mail we (speaking as the royal Postal Service "we") handle actually gets to its intended destination intact.

- Susan (our post master) is the only person who does the work in our post office (except for the route delivery, which Eric and I do) with Kim doing it on Saturdays.  There is so much to do in that office, even on a slow day, that they are busier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest.  On a slow day, it's the job of about 1.5 people.  Over the holidays or on a Monday, it's definitely a 2 person job.  Be nice to her.

- Our office is totally "manual" without any of the high tech geegaws other offices have.  It's not that we don't want them; they won't let us have them because we service so few people.  The scale we use to weigh packages was literally minted in 1912.  You would not believe how many babies have been weighed on that thing.  A lot of those babies are now grown up and living here.

- In the Winter, we often get phone calls from people asking us if they can get in their driveway.  I'm not sure why they think we know that.  We can tell you if it's snowing outside, but that's about it.

-  When Ruby Brown worked at the old post office (where Sciaroni meets Grizzly Flat Road), they used to put the mail, unsorted, into boxes up in the rafters.  Mail customers would come in and look for their mail in the boxes.

- When he was young, Walt Tyler and some of his friends once walked all the way to Somerset in the snow to get the mail for the community because the snow was preventing it from being delivered to Grizzly Flats.  They got all the way up here before they realized they'd been given the mail for another town instead of the Grizzly Flats mail.

- Yes, the Pony Express actually delivered to Grizzly Flats.

- The bulletin board at the post office is cleared of the 1st and 15th of each month.

- If you are on the mail route you will receive your mail around 11:30am - noon if it is a day when I am delivering your mail.  If Eric is delivering that day, you will receive it around 12:30-1pm.  That's because I only do Grizzly Flats and he does all of Somerset, including Happy Valley Road (ugh) before he gets up here.

- We receive two main types of mail (other than packages) on a regular basis:  1st class mail and bulk mail.  First class mail consists of letters, postcards and stamped items (important mail, usually).  Bulk mail is usually what is referred to as "junk"  mail.  First class mail is delivered the same day it is received, without fail.  Bulk mail must be delivered within 3 days of the day we receive it. 

- The heaviest mail day is usually Tuesday for the route and Monday for the P.O. boxes.

-  It makes me smile when I see a letter that is hand addressed.  Letter writing is a lost art, I tell you.

- November 13, 2006, was the day Somerset post office received more mail than it ever has before or since.  That was Eric's first day as a mail carrier ever.  It was also his birthday...and our wedding anniversary.  It was also pouring down rain hard the entire day.  We ended up finishing up the route around 8pm, delivering the mail by flashlight.  A lady came out, walked down her driveway and stood there yelling at us while we were delivering to a batch of mailboxes.  Eric came home and told me the postal service couldn't possibly pay him enough to do the job.  He did go back the next day and had a better day, but it wasn't really easy for him until about 2 months into the job. 

- You'd be surprised how many boxes either do not get mail, do not have the numbers clearly marked on the box (we're supposed to be psychic, you know) or only have partial numbers.  Some boxes do not have fronts to them.  Others are so beaten up they can barely be opened. 

- People have NO idea what a pain it is for us when they go weeks without picking up their mail from the mailbox.  It does matter.  We'd like the option of putting more in when it comes.

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