So here it is, almost a month since my last column and me playing catch up.  It has surely been one amazing summer of work, work and then some work, I can tell you that.  I don't remember the last time I have had so much ongoing work to do at one time and definitely can't remember it lasting into the Fall and just totally kicking my ass the way it has.  I've had so many irons in so many fires that ... I dunno, finish that metaphor for me 'cause I'm tired.  Make it something about one-legged me and butt kicking contests or whatever else suits your fancy and my intent.

As we would say in the South, I'm just ruint.  Ruint is like "ruined" except that it's just ever so much more intensely bad.  I am a firm believer that the Winter is dark and quiet and cold and icy because we are supposed to be inside recovering during that time from the whole rest of the year.  I don't think that as humans, we are intended or designed to keep going at full tilt all the time and that it is essential to our well being on all levels to take time off and rest so that we are revitalized and have more to give the rest of the year.  There's a really good reason why animals hibernate.  I also believe that's why we have these dumb-ass diseases like "seasonal affective disorder."  People think life should just continue on as it normally does no matter what nature is doing outside, but you have to adjust your internal expectations and activities accordingly or your faculties will start to break down.  The pure fact is that we are nature and the more that we follow the natural course of things rather than trying to inflict our own will onto nature, the more in tune and revitalized we will feel. 

As the days shorten (proof in and of itself that we are supposed to be having shorter work days) and the weather intensifies, it comes time to go inside, both literally and figuratively.  This is the time to be considering how we want to spend our lives in the coming year when Spring thaws us out and brings us back out into the world.  How do we want our energy to be invested?  How do we want our lives to be different this time next year?  What changes do we need to make in ourselves to facilitate those changes in our lives?  Winter is an introspective, internal time that isn't to be wasted just waiting for the warmth to return.  It's every bit as vital and necessary to our health and productivity as the longer, more active and extroverted times of Summer.  Just as the warmer days demand physical energy to be expected, the dark days of Winter call on us to exercise our emotional and mental muscles.  The "dark" and the "light" of the year are there for us to explore the dark corners of ourselves when it's dark (take a flashlight, trust me on this) and to be active and productive when it's light.  Dreams come for us in the dark.  When we close our eyes to rest, it's dark in there.  When  we open our eyes to begin our day, it's light.  Dark = rest and reflect; Light = get up and get busy.

That all being the case, we aren't quite to that restful dark of the year yet.  We're still in its winding down phase.  Along about the first week of November, the external life begins to reflect the descent into the quiet.   For now, I'm still running full steam despite being ruint.  For a lot of reasons, people who had planned to be very involved with Founder's Day ended up having to only be partially involved or not at all, so a good bit of that production fell to a very few of us.  That was absolutely exhausting.  Our family had a lot of things to do this summer, which involved going on long day trips; also exhausting.  Eric and I are on the verge of a refinance of our house and have been spent the last couple of months renovating like mad to try and compensate for the change in appraisal that the drop in the housing market will likely create.  We're panting and building and organizing and changing almost everything.  I started a new job that is very mentally demanding.  I'm having to use training that hasn't been touched in over 13 years and it's not coming out easy.  I thought all that info would still be in there, waiting to float to the top unbidden like the mystic answer of a Magic 8 ball, but instead, it's more like trying to excavate iron ore from the deepest pits of hell.  That's on top of my other usual job of taking care of a number of websites and creating or optimizing others.  This was the first year that Eric and I worked all but one Burger Night.  We missed one in July due to a conference I had to attend in LA.  Otherwise, we were there.  GFORCE was also involved with supporting a lot of other efforts, like CERT clean ups (we would go to the ends of the earth for CERT...they are such a godsend), the Fire Safe Council BBQ, Grizzly Flats Clean Up and other community events.  It felt like that at least once a week there was an out of house event to prep for and work.

It seems like every community event we work has its own strand (or ten) of small town drama where people get involved with and hung up on emotional issues, being right and getting even instead of just getting the job done.  That gets tiring in and of itself, then you throw in the actual work.  I thought when I first got involved with GFORCE and the like that this community had some kind of blessed immunity to such things, but sadly and predictably, it does not.  I guess any time you get a number of people together trying to do something, there will always be power plays and bullies and whiners and martyrs and manipulators who end up bogging down the whole process because folks have to stop and attend to the squeaking wheels and pick their battles and pacify some and piss off the rest instead of just focusing on what need to be done.   Humoring folks, as those who know me well can attest, has never been a virtue of mine.  I tend get that "you've got to be kidding me" look on my face and start looking for exit routes.  The biggest problem I have is that I enjoy my home and my own company and my own endeavors way too much, so anything I do "on the outside" is a gratuity that I could easily sacrifice.  I do it because I want to, but if it gets to a point that it's more of a pain in the ass than a joy, I will power walk myself right back into my house and happily close the door.  It's not a matter of everything having to go my way or else, but more of a situation of having not the time, patience nor inclination to deal with Big Drama in a Little Town.

Did I mention that I'm ruint?

The good news is that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I am fairly certain that it is not a train.  The training part of the new job is almost over and I am prepared to settle down into the day to day reality of it.  The remodeling has about 4-5 more solid days of work before it's finished, then we move to appraisal and loan shopping, all of which must be totally finalized down to the last signature by the 25th or so of November.  My house is much more functional, pretty and easy to manage since the makeover.  Eric has a new side job on the horizon that will pretty much carry us through the Winter financially with the mail route to supplement.  The kids are getting much better, with aggressive encouragement, at keeping their own rooms clean. 

In short, I can feel my life setting up a routine that while it is currently not in practice, will fall into place fairly smoothly and give life a nice pattern and rhythm.  I am very happy with the "harvest" that has come to me this year in terms of personal rewards and I definitely look forward to easing into the Winter with my head and heart ready for some good introspection.

I hope you're there too.

Be Particular,